I had an interesting dialogue with a mom at work yesterday. Keep in mind that I work for a "feminist, empowerment based, nonjudgmental, and culturally sensitive" agency. The conversation went something like this:
Unnamed person: Can you believe they're almost 1 year old?
Me: No, I really can't. I feel like all I've done is blink.
Unnamed: When was she born again?
Me: April 24th.
Unnamed person: Are you still breastfeeding?
Me: Yes, Galicia has started solids but she's still mostly on breast milk.
Unnamed person: Oh my god! How long do you plan on continuing?
Me: I don't know. I don't really have a set limit. I guess until she stops. I'm going to let her self-wean.
Unnamed person:What! What if she doesn't stop until she's 5?
Me: Then she'll breastfeed until she's 5.
Unnamed person:That's creepy.
Me: Ok. Maybe it's creepy to you.
Unnamed person: No that's creepy.
Me: The U.S. is one of the only countries that sees that as being creepy. The World Health Organization recommends moms breastfeed for 2 years or more. It is the American Academy of Pediatrics that recommends at least one year. Dr. H (she's the doctor who runs a free clinic at our agency) breastfed her daughter for quite some time.
Unnamed person: Yeah the 1 year is what I am familiar with. I just don't get what they get out of it at that point.
Me: Well, the composition of your milk changes with your child's needs. There's so little research on women but what they're finding is that the child's saliva sends chemical signals to make milk that has antibodies and etc. So they still benefit no matter their age. But yes, some of what they get is also comfort.
Unnamed: Yeah, it's mostly comfort nursing at that point if you ask me.
Note: Ignoring that "at least" part. Selective bias? Internalized oppression?
Somehow it felt monumentally more painful to have this coming from another mother of color who knows how difficult breastfeeding can be, particularly in our communities. Instead of mutually supporting, praising and recognizing each other as full-time working moms who are committed to breastfeeding/pumping as an act of love for our children, we are taught to criticize and shame each other.
On a positive note, it doesn't have to be this way. I went to a training on human trafficking last month and asked for an accommodation so that I could pump and the response from the Florida Council Against Sexual Violence (FCASV) was amazing. We were at a hotel and two of us were provided with a private hotel room in which to pump. I wrote a followup thank you note to Jennifer Dritt, the Executive Director. Her response was, "We’d be feminist in name only if we didn’t support working mothers." So unnamed person, let's make lack of support for women's choices and needs creepy.
(Pictured: A Yanomami mother breastfeeding both her child and an orphaned monkey. Remember that we humans also drink other animals' milk ourselves. Photo credit:Mark Edwards/Hard Rain Picture Library).
